Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will pee on everything he values.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
