it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
