How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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