I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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