It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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