yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
