I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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