It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
