hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
