Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
