My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
