You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
