I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
