Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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