I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
