and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
