The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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