And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
