I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
