Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just invented taco cereal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
