New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
