I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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