you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
