how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
