Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
