so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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