Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
