i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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