We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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