Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
