i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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