Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
