I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
