9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
