I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
sex in a hospital.. check
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
