We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
