I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
