It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
