Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
