your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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