Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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