I'm really into asian looking animals
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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