new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
