i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
