Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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