Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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