I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too high and old for this...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
