Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
