I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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