Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
