Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my being single is dangerous.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
