My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
