You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
