For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
