She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
