some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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